How to Stop Avoiding Your Issues
“I'm movin' so fast, no time to process…” Doechii, Denial is a River
Doechii’s 2024 mixtape titled Alligator Bites Never Heal is one of my favorite listens from 2024. It won Best Album at the Grammy’s while Doechii herself took home a nomination for Best New Artist and the single Nissan Altima was nominated for Best Rap Performance. Never one to shy away from sharing her own mental health challenges and successes, it's no surprise that this album is peppered with glimpses into her own mental health and vulnerable anecdotes that we can learn from.
In her music video for Denial is a River, Doechii raps about her avoidance of dealing with problems and personal issues. Can you relate? Have you ever noticed yourself doing everything EXCEPT dealing with the issue that’s impacting you the most? Today’s blog will help you better understand your avoidance behaviors and give you some ideas to deal with them.
Avoidance as a Coping Skill
To avoid by definition is “to keep away from.” When you’re dealing with a particularly stressful event, outcome, or consequence, it makes sense that you might avoid dealing with it at all! Feelings like hurt, sad, betrayed, and shame are unpleasant, so why wouldn’t you avoid them?
Avoidance, or separating yourself from unpleasant feelings, can be helpful in the short term. However, when you don't deal with your problems, they won’t actually get resolved, and when you don’t deal with your feelings they don’t actually resolve. Avoidance also prevents you from growing - if you never do the hard thing, for example, healing from an emotional break up, you will never get better and will not be prepared to step into your next relationship healthily. Even Doechii acknowledges, “What can I say? The s*&% works, it feels good / And my self-worth's at an all-time low…” Avoidance works, it can feel good, and it prevents dealing with underlying issues like low self-worth.
What are avoidance behaviors?
In Denial is River, Doechii includes a number of avoidance behaviors and strategies. Examples of avoidance behaviors (many of which she sings about in the song) may include:
Risky Sexual Behaviors
Endless Scrolling
Drinking too much too often
Reckless Spending
Over or Under Eating
Lifestyle obsession
Substance Abuse
Binge Watching
Pornography Use
General Busy-ness
Gossip and Intrusiveness
Spending Inordinate Amount of Time Partying
Some Tips for Dealing with Your Avoidance
Notice it: You can’t change a behavior if you don’t know that you’re doing it, which includes avoidance! Have you noticed any behaviors in your life that aren’t serving you? Or maybe
Be curious about why you’re using it: Maybe it works - be curious about why? Or it simply feels good which is nice when you’re otherwise carrying unpleasant feelings. What need are you meeting by engaging in the behavior? Is it nice to feel valued, or like you belong, or to just not feel sad?
Develop skills to meet your needs in a new way: Rather than avoiding the feelings, try leaning into to them. Maybe that means journaling through your experience, or opening up to a friend, or finally taking that jump into therapy.
How Future Full of Hope Can Help
When addressing your internal experience head-on feels like too much, partnering for therapy with Future Full of Hope can help you to better understand, process, and heal from your experience. Learn how to identify your avoidance behaviors, how to show yourself kindness for using them, and develop new skills to process. And maybe even learn a breathing technique like Doechii does at the end of the song.
Reach out to Get Started with Therapy Today!
AI Disclaimer: This post is original and written by Kevin Boyd of Future Full of Hope, PLLC. No AI tool was leveraged to write this post
