Tips to Deal with Feeling Self-Conscious

“Bro, when I get to snappin’ like doo-wop / really got the juice like 2Pac,” Tyler the Creator, STOP PLAYING WITH ME

Tyler the Creator surprised listeners when he dropped his album Don’t Tap the Glass last month.  In an interview conducted shortly after with Billboard, he shared:

“I asked some friends why they don't dance in public and some said because of the fear of being filmed. I thought damn, a natural form of expression and a certain connection they have with music is now a ghost. It made me wonder how much of our human spirit got killed because of the fear of being a meme, all for having a good time... This album was not made for sitting still. Dancing driving running any type of movement is recommended to maybe understand the spirit of it. Only at full volume."

In the video for the single STOP PLAYING WITH ME he shows us to live at full volume, how to be fully present and enjoy music, and how to dance without being hindered by feeling too self-consciousness.

Not Safe for Work Language Warning. This song contains strong language and will not be suitable for all audiences

What does it mean to feel self-conscious?

To be self-conscious is to be aware of who you are, of what you’re doing, and how’re you’re engaging in the world around you.  That sounds like a good thing, right? Merriam-Webster defines self conscious as, “conscious of own acts or states as being or to originating in oneself.”  When we talk about feeling self-conscious though, we usually mean that we’re concerned with the way other people are experiencing us, perceiving us, and how they might be judging us.  Some argue that this experience has worsened due to the ubiquity of cell phone cameras and social media.

I remember when the phrase used to be “Dance like nobody’s watching.”  The insinuation was that dancing in front of other people led to self-consciousness and that when you dance like nobody’s watching you’re living more fully in the moment.   Now with the risk of faux pas being caught on camera, the phrase may as well be “Dance Like Nobody’s Filming.”

Maybe you can relate to a fear of dancing in public, or maybe you can relate in another way, to a fear of living the life you want to live because of the way you’ll be judged by people in your life.  You can’t watch cartoons because your friends will think you’re lame, you don’t speak up at work because you don’t want to embarrass yourself, and you don’t publish that book because you’re afraid that EVERYONE will see your failure. I love the way that Tyler the Creator demonstrates his joy of living fully in the moment in this music video – outside of a few cameos, he’s dancing completely for the majority of the song!

Tips to Deal with Feeling Self Conscious:

Compare and Contrast the parts of your life of which you are and are not self-conscious.  When do you feel most unashamed, or at peace, or confident? What are the differences between those? For example, if I’m much more confident stepping onto a basketball court than I am skating onto an ice rink, I can develop a better understanding of why I’m so self conscious in skates.

Pay Attention to Your Thoughts: What are you afraid of? Is it afraid of being memed? Or afraid of being seen as weak, or too masculine, or not cool enough?  Maybe it’s about a fear of not fitting in?

Explore the Source:  Do you have memories of those fears playing out in a similar fashion in your past? Is this a chance to examine your projection of a past experience onto your current moment?

Imagine How You’d Like to Enjoy This Moment: What if you weren’t afraid of what others thought? How would you act? And if you’re not ready to fully jump in, make smaller steps toward that ideal.

Test the Reality:  Let’s take dancing as an example: Next time you’re at a concert, and you want to dance but can’t bring yourself to do so, start with a little bounce from side to side, and take note to the crowd – does anyone actually care?

Live in the Moment: You can’t control how other people use their cell phones - you can control how much you can enjoy the moment

How Future Full of Hope Can Help

If you’re finding yourself not enjoying your life because your self-consciousness gets in the way of doing the things you love, starting therapy at Future Full of Hope may help.  We join with you to understand the sources of your self-consciousness, support you to practice self-acceptance, mindfulness, and confidence in the moment, and work with you to develop tools to live fully.

Ready to start therapy? Use the form below to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation!

AI Disclaimer: This post is original and written by Kevin Boyd of Future Full of Hope, PLLC. No AI tool was leveraged in the development of this post